Enemies of the Second Amendment (Satire)

There was a time when Individuals believed marketing campaign guarantees had been speculated to imply one thing.

Cute, proper.

At the moment, we get DLC civil rights, subscription-based freedoms, and a Division of Justice that treats the Structure like a Phrases of Service settlement no one truly reads.

Welcome to the Trump–Bondi period of gun coverage, the place the Second Modification is loudly declared a “first-class proper”… whereas quietly being shoved right into a submitting cupboard labeled “We’ll Circle Again.”

Right here’s the absurd half:

We’re watching a supposedly professional–Second Modification administration defend the Nationwide Firearms Act in court docket, whereas gun-control teams file briefs on the identical aspect, whereas Congress sends letters begging DOJ to respect Congress’s personal intent.

And the starring prop is a $0 tax that also behaves like a $200 leash.

Act One: The Second Modification Process Pressure (Now Streaming on Forms+)

Let’s begin with the great headline.

Lawyer Common Pam Bondi introduced a brand new DOJ professional–Second Modification effort, with language that reads like a trailer narrated by a bald eagle carrying Oakleys.1

The pitch (within the public messaging) is easy: the DOJ is completed treating gun rights like a constitutional afterthought.1

And I get it.

If you happen to’re a traditional particular person, you hear “Process Pressure” and suppose: motion, outcomes, and perhaps a dramatic door kick accompanied by the Structure on a clipboard.

However then the court docket filings stroll in and spoil the celebration.

So what does “Process Pressure” imply in follow?

Primarily based on the reporting and the litigation posture, it has regarded like this:

Public messaging about defending gun homeowners, paired with ongoing protection of NFA constructions and federal positions that gun-rights teams say increase authorities energy.

Professional-2A victories narrowed in court docket, as if constitutional rights are solely legitimate for the “named plaintiffs” and anybody who paid for the premium membership tier.

Mounting backlash from nationwide teams arguing DOJ conduct doesn’t match the branding.

So both the Process Pressure is actual however lives in a unique dimension, or DOJ attorneys didn’t get the memo, or “multitasking” now means defending the identical system you introduced you’re dismantling.

In equity, a activity power might turn out to be a battering ram for rights restoration.

It might additionally turn out to be ornamental authorities furnishings: inspirational to take a look at, not possible to take a seat on, and at all times in the best way if you’re carrying one thing heavy.

Act Two: The $0 Tax That Nonetheless Owns You

Right here’s the place the plot goes full cartoon.

In July 2025, the “One Huge Stunning Invoice” eliminated the $200 NFA tax for suppressors, short-barreled rifles, short-barreled shotguns, and AOWs, shifting it to $0 (efficient later).

That $200 quantity wasn’t “small.”

It was designed in 1934 to be painful and exclusionary, and it turned symbolic of a whole system that treats paperwork as morality and permission slips as liberty.

Congressional intent (as described within the letters reported) was that taxation and registration had been linked—take away the tax, and the registration mechanism collapses for the $0-tax gadgets.

Translation: no tax, no registry. Easy. Boring. American.

However DOJ’s posture—once more, as described within the reporting—strikes in the wrong way: protect the registration/switch scheme anyway, even when the “tax” is now “$0.”

The $0 logic, translated:

“We aren’t charging you something… however you continue to must do the paperwork, ask permission, and stay within the database as a result of the idea of a tax as soon as existed on this space.”

That isn’t “tax legislation.” That’s bureaucratic yoga.

Gun Homeowners of America warned that DOJ’s idea (as characterised within the protection) might increase federal energy dramatically if courts settle for “$0 tax” as a enough hook for regulation—as we speak for NFA gadgets, tomorrow for the rest with a label and a spreadsheet row.2

If this logic stands, your rights don’t simply include situations.

They arrive with updates, patches, and a “identified points” web page.

Act Three: The Put up Workplace Carry Case (Now That includes Selective Freedom)

In late 2025, a federal court docket ruling held the put up workplace carry ban unconstitutional as utilized in the best way it was being enforced, within the case reporting referenced as Firearms Coverage Coalition Inc. v. Bondi.

Regular timeline: court docket guidelines, authorities complies, residents profit.

Fashionable timeline: court docket guidelines, authorities tries to shrink the profit till it matches inside a thimble.

In response to the reporting, DOJ sought to restrict the scope of the injunction to solely the named plaintiffs and verified members of sure organizations, reasonably than treating the ruling as significant reduction for “peaceful residents” typically.

Which suggests your constitutional safety can turn out to be a scavenger hunt.

Step 1: Win a lawsuit. Step 2: Show you’re on the “accepted checklist.” Step 3: Take pleasure in the identical proper different Individuals thought the Invoice of Rights already lined.

SAF and FPC pushed again, arguing the federal government was preventing to maintain imposing an unconstitutional ban in opposition to as many individuals as potential, and calling the “membership checklist” angle unworkable and wrongheaded.

That is what authorized students name “slender tailoring.”

That is what South Park would name “freemium liberty.”

Act 4: Congress Writes Letters Whereas DOJ Pretends To not See Them

At this level, Congress did the factor Congress does when it doesn’t need to do the opposite factor Congress might do.

It wrote letters.

Reportedly led by Sen. Steve Daines and Rep. Andrew Clyde, lawmakers despatched DOJ a proper reminder: Congress meant the NFA’s registration/switch necessities for $0-tax gadgets to fall with the tax, and DOJ ought to replicate that intent in litigation.

The protection additionally notes a comparability to when Congress zeroed out the ACA particular person mandate penalty and DOJ declined to defend the legislation, suggesting DOJ can select to not defend provisions that not relaxation on legitimate constitutional footing, if it needs to.

Which raises an ungainly query.

If DOJ can decline to defend a legislation underneath one set of political incentives, why can’t it do the identical when the motivation is… the Invoice of Rights.

GOA later criticized Congress for a way few lawmakers signed onto the stress marketing campaign, framing the issue as a scarcity of spine reasonably than a scarcity of inbox house.

And sure, some lawmakers did signal.

Many didn’t.

Apparently, the “Discover a Pen” Act remains to be caught in committee.

When Gun-Management Teams and a Republican DOJ Begin Holding Fingers

If you happen to ever wanted proof that American politics has entered its experimental part, right here it’s.

A DOJ defending the NFA in court docket… supported by Brady, Giffords, and Everytown in an amicus transient (as reported).

Sure. These Brady. These Giffords. That Everytown.

The holy trinity of “no one wants that,” now providing authorized assist prefer it’s a bake sale donation.

When anti-gun organizations file briefs cheering your authorized place, that’s not “bipartisan.”

That may be a dashboard warning mild that claims: CHECK ENGINE: CONSTITUTION.

Firearms Information frames this alliance as a credibility downside for a purportedly pro-2A agenda, and that’s placing it politely.

As a result of in politics, your pals don’t simply replicate your values.

In addition they replicate your technique.

The “$0 Tax” Principle and the Federal Energy Growth Downside

Right here’s the half that issues past suppressors.

It’s the idea.

In response to GOA’s warning (as lined), DOJ’s posture in NFA litigation advances a broad idea of congressional authority—one that might permit regulation “far past something the Framers meant,” if a court docket accepts it.

And that’s why gun-rights teams reacted like somebody simply tried to promote them a “freedom” plan with a three-year contract.

As a result of as soon as the authorized rationale expands, it hardly ever expands again.

That’s the quiet hazard of bureaucratic precedent.

It’s by no means “simply this one situation.”

It turns into the template.

The “Fireplace Bondi” Strain Marketing campaign (and Why It Took Off)

By October 2025, the Nationwide Affiliation for Gun Rights publicly known as for Bondi’s removing, citing a listing of actions they argue are anti–Second Modification, together with continued enforcement of sure Biden-era ATF guidelines and litigation positions on bans and restrictions (as reported).

Assistant Lawyer Common Harmeet Dhillon pushed again publicly, defending Bondi as extremely pro-2A and disputing the declare (as framed within the protection) that DOJ demanded non-public membership lists in that context (as reported).

So right here we’re.

One aspect says: “That is essentially the most pro-2A DOJ ever.”

The opposite aspect says: “Then why do the court docket filings learn like gun management fan-fiction.”

And the citizen says: “Can somebody please cease treating my constitutional rights like a buyer assist ticket.”

South Park Authorities Logic

Congress: “We repealed the tax.”

DOJ: “Cool. We stored the registry.”

Courts: “That appears… constitutionally bizarre.”

DOJ: “Sure, however what if… Commerce Clause vibes.”

Gun Homeowners: “That’s not how rights work.”

DOJ: “Have you ever tried Needed-and-Correct Pilates.”

Brady/Giffords/Everytown: “We approve this message.”

Congress: writes letter

DOJ: information movement

Everybody else: nonetheless filling out kinds

Roll credit: “Liberty will return after these messages.”

Remaining Thought: Liberty Doesn’t Survive on Press Releases

Gun homeowners aren’t asking for favors.

They’re asking for consistency.

If the Second Modification is “not a second-class proper,” then the authorized posture has to match the branding.

If you happen to take away a tax, you don’t hold the registry as a memento.

If you happen to win a case, you don’t “restrict the profit” till it stops benefiting anybody who didn’t have the time to be a named plaintiff.

As a result of rights don’t often die in a cinematic explosion.

They die by means of course of.

By way of delay.

By way of paperwork.

By way of smiling officers telling you every little thing is ok whereas stapling your freedoms to a type that claims “Please preliminary right here.”

Enemies of the Second Modification didn’t instantly assemble.

They had been invited.

And till DOJ stops defending registries underneath $0 pretenses and stops narrowing victories into irrelevance, the patriotic branding received’t change the operational actuality.

References

“AG Pam Bondi Misses Second Modification Govt Order Deadline” , The Fact About Weapons.

“Extraordinarily Troublesome Division Of Justice Temporary Attracts Stark Warning From GOA” , The Fact About Weapons.

“FPC, SAF Fireplace Again At DOJ Transfer To Intestine Current Ruling Hanging Down Put up Workplace Carry Ban” , The Fact About Weapons.

“Lawmakers Ship Letter To AG Bondi Urging DOJ To Cease Supporting Nationwide Firearms Act” , The Fact About Weapons.

“GOA Calls Out ‘Cowards’ In Congress For Not Supporting Letter To Bondi On NFA Repeal” , The Fact About Weapons.

“Duplicitous Bedfellows: Trump Administration and Anti-Gun Organizations” , Firearms Information.

“Gun-Rights Group Calls For Firing Of AG Bondi” , The Fact About Weapons.

“One Huge Stunning Replace, Half 1” , Firearms Information.

“The One Huge Betrayal within the One Huge Stunning Invoice” , Firearms Information.

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